Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Lap Colic

For those of you who are not Southern, Lap Colic is a horrible condition most often contracted by babies after visits with family members. Grandparents are notorious carriers. Lap colic is spread by holding babies as often as possible, picking babies up whenever they make a noise, and rocking babies to sleep. While one of these actions may not result in Lap Colic, a combination of all three certainly will.

Symptoms of Lap Colic include: extreme fussiness when placed in a walker or exersaucer, extreme fussiness when placed on the floor, extreme fussiness when placed in bed at nap time. Anytime the baby isn't being held expect moderate fussing to an outright tantrum. This terrible condition can spread different symptoms to the rest of the family. Siblings will contract whining and become reclusive, only coming out of their rooms when the baby is sleeping off the last screaming bout. Parents develop eye twitches, taut muscles, and ringing in the ears.

Lap Colic is a wretched, wretched condition. Whatever shall we do? Distract! Distract! Distract! Take your baby outside in this beautiful fall weather. Sit in the floor with your baby, and the sibs, and play instead of picking up your baby. Return to your normal routine and stick with it. Be positive. Smile at your baby even when you want to scream, "What is your problem? I am not the enemy!" Sing silly songs at your screaming baby while he or she is in the high chair/exersaucer/walker. Dance for your baby. Give baby a bath if you are especially desperate.

Eventually you will have to let your baby cry while you cook, or shower, or poop. Some things just have to happen in your household. You won't go insane. And you still love your baby if you walk away for a few minutes to escape the excessive fussing. Breathe. Joke about it. Prayer is never out of place. And for heaven's sake get a baby sitter and get away occasionally. Your sanity will thank you for it.

2 comments:

Jennifer B

Ok, So my baby has "Lap Colic" and I'm not sure really how it happened cause he really isn't or wasn't held a lot. But now unfortunately i really don't have a choice but to hold him a lot or else the crying begins. I also have a 2yr old who is very jealous and asks for a lot of attention too. So I'm pretty much ready to pull my hair out. She is throwing her attitudes and he is crying at the top of his lungs. HELP. LOL.

Anonymous

What does being southern have to do with it?

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