LIcking Inappropriate Things

Yesterday we got carpet over the terra-cotta and concrete flooring in our den. It is heavenly. M. is as delighted as a congested 8 month old on decongestants can be. He spent a good 5 minutes rubbing it with his little baby fingers and flexing his little baby toes in it, before he licked it. The flavor was not quite what he expected if his face were any indication. So that would be the first inappropriate thing licked this week.

Today M. learned he could scoot around the room. 3 different electrical cords were licked, before I got them away. So now we are up to 4 inappropriate things licked by M. this week.

This morning A and I were awakened by the sound of G vomiting vigorously while M coughed courageously. Thankfully G made it to the toilet. So both kids got to make a trip to see Dr. Monica. While checking in, M. leaned out of my arms and licked the receptionist window. Then he licked the arm of my chair in the waiting room. I'm almost certain he licked the blinds behind me. Then he licked the table in the weigh-in room, and in the exam room. I think he also licked and chewed on Dr. Monica's hair. So that takes us to 9 inappropriate objects.

After the trip to see Dr. Monica, M. licked the outside of his brother's water bottle (can we say ew! vomity germs!). Then he had to take a break and have a nap while we picked up some popsicles for G. After his nap M. was again lounging on the awesome new carpet and managed to grab 3 different remote controls and 2 phones and lick them all. Then he rolled to the TV and licked the speaker.

Moral of the story, you can't disinfect everything, because your baby will find new things to lick.

Reset Buttons and Not Sucking

This was written on Saturday, but I didn't hit publish post until today because of the buckets of snot poring out of Moses' and my heads.

How much more awesome would life as a parent be if kids had reset buttons. If you could just erase certain things that were said to them. Ahhh....no more toddlers with potty mouths. No more preschoolers repeating embarrassing things. Today, I would have loved to have such a thing.

G is playing soccer. I know this isn't the super competitive league, but it is important to our little family. We have special game day pancakes, and fix his hair in a faux hawk. It's fun for us to get him pumped up and feel good about himself. G now is into our ritual, so every Saturday morning we get pumped for some beautifully chaotic, 4 year old soccer.

G also expects adults to tell the truth, because we don't lie to him. If we say, "Son, if you do that again, I will punish you," we back it up. If we say, "we are going to do X, on this day," we do X on that day. Because that is the way the world should be when you are 4. He doesn't yet know that adults suck a large part of the time. Today, he got a lesson on this. So he's a trusting and naive soul.

A family member told G at his first soccer game that he, the family member would be at every game. This man has missed the last two games. So we are stuck with explaining to G why this adult, who he loves, has stood him up. Let's see...what truth should we tell our child? That this person is selfish? That this person is a liar, and unworthy of his trust? How exactly do we tell our child this.

Last week a friend of mine from out of town missed G's game by about 30 minutes due to my new phone being a new phone. Meaning I had no contacts yet, and sometimes forget I have the ringer off. So she told G that she would be at his game this Saturday no matter what. Then came the week. Things happened, as things do, and she wasn't able to come to town. Which would have been fine and understandable had she called. But G was looking for her, and was disappointed that his "aunt" wasn't there as well.

Moral of the story is, don't promise to be there for a child and then bail. You kind of suck if you do. Just call ahead of time and at least let the kid know what is going on in general terms. Don't forget them, oversleep, or just not show. Don't teach our children to lie. Also, if you pour that big bowl of suckatude over a child's head, have the decency to apologize to them if their parents will let you. Be an adult.

Today did have a surprise joy saver. G's aunt and younger cousin came to the game unexpectedly. You could tell it just made his day, and he played so much more joyfully after they arrived. He even blocked a goal and then drove the ball all the way down to his goal. He wanted to show off for his baby cousin, who mutually adores G. So he didn't really care that some people didn't show for his big game. Guess that just shows me how I should feel too.

G arranges the universe

When A and I got married, we were living 3 hours apart. So, after the honeymoon we packed up G and moved to the big city. During our first year of marriage A and I bought a house on a quiet street inhabited mostly by the newly wed and nearly dead. It seems as if half the residents have been here forever, and the others are chasing small children just like us. It's a nice little place to live. However, my parents are now 3 hours away. G does not like this. Here is his solution, as told to his grandmother last week.

"G-ma, you should move to S-city. There are lots of jobs here. You and Pop don't need the horses, you could sell them and use the money to move to town."

My mother replies, "Well honey, even if we moved here we probably wouldn't be able to live very close to you."

G says, "No, you could live close to us. Our neighbors are very old. They'll probably die soon, and you can buy their house."

-Ahhh....the simplicity of childhood.

Lap Colic

For those of you who are not Southern, Lap Colic is a horrible condition most often contracted by babies after visits with family members. Grandparents are notorious carriers. Lap colic is spread by holding babies as often as possible, picking babies up whenever they make a noise, and rocking babies to sleep. While one of these actions may not result in Lap Colic, a combination of all three certainly will.

Symptoms of Lap Colic include: extreme fussiness when placed in a walker or exersaucer, extreme fussiness when placed on the floor, extreme fussiness when placed in bed at nap time. Anytime the baby isn't being held expect moderate fussing to an outright tantrum. This terrible condition can spread different symptoms to the rest of the family. Siblings will contract whining and become reclusive, only coming out of their rooms when the baby is sleeping off the last screaming bout. Parents develop eye twitches, taut muscles, and ringing in the ears.

Lap Colic is a wretched, wretched condition. Whatever shall we do? Distract! Distract! Distract! Take your baby outside in this beautiful fall weather. Sit in the floor with your baby, and the sibs, and play instead of picking up your baby. Return to your normal routine and stick with it. Be positive. Smile at your baby even when you want to scream, "What is your problem? I am not the enemy!" Sing silly songs at your screaming baby while he or she is in the high chair/exersaucer/walker. Dance for your baby. Give baby a bath if you are especially desperate.

Eventually you will have to let your baby cry while you cook, or shower, or poop. Some things just have to happen in your household. You won't go insane. And you still love your baby if you walk away for a few minutes to escape the excessive fussing. Breathe. Joke about it. Prayer is never out of place. And for heaven's sake get a baby sitter and get away occasionally. Your sanity will thank you for it.