Friday, October 28, 2011

And...I'm Back

Had to take a brief hiatus to work some things out.  In short, I am going crazy being a SAH mom.  I think I actually do need to work and be around people.  So, I have been depressed, and somewhat coping, but not really.  I keep sticking food in my mouth because I am so stressed out with being home with the kids all the time, and trying to teach G. while M. competes for whiniest baby of the year award.  Then I gain more weight and get more depressed, because I am overweight and disgust myself.  So I have been a fat ball of depressed stress.  EW.

I also tend to just spaz out on A about not every having any time to not be a mom or wife, and to remember what the hell I like to do.  This hasn't been good.  The hubs and I sat down and did some talking.  I am now a member of a gym and love it!  I got back on Weight Watchers, and have lost 4 pounds, so that is pretty stinking awesome as well.  And I think I will be returning to the work force after G tests in January to get into the magnet program.  Hopefully it will go better than the G/T testing where he decided to come back later.  (failed!)  There will be a lot of prayer going into the decision to no longer stay home, but I am pretty certain that is my direction.  I am going to stop being a middle school life group leader at church and join the ladies group instead.  I need grownups so badly!

Tomorrow is the last soccer game of this season, for which I am extraordinarily grateful.  No more snotty private school mommies to deal with next season, please God.  They are all, "ohhh...I don't have any kids at home, but I don't work, so I can polish myself all day.  I will toss my carefully colored blonde locks and ignore "the outsider"". I am more, "oh, I took a shower about an hour ago and when I was done the baby was crying again (as usual) so my hair isn't dry.  I apparently don't wear fancy enough clothes to sit on bleachers and watch a 4-year old soccer practice.  Yeah, it's been a dream to deal with these awesome ladies.  I am sure they have redeeming qualities under their shallow attitudes.  Or not.  I am just going to beg, plead, and tantrum if necessary to get G on a team with real people.  Oh, and other boys, that would be nice too!

Tonight, A. watched the boys so I could go have dinner with another stressed out, never a moment to herself, almost sick to death of her family, mommy.  We both really enjoyed hanging out with another woman and talking about how we love our kids and how hard it is when they won't stop crying or whining.  No one tells you how much motherhood can isolate you, and how you need time away from your kids to talk to peers.  I went waaayyyy too long without this, and as a result I was almost batshit insane.  I feel better now.

Tomorrow will be fun.  I am getting up early to bake a cake for G.'s end of season shindig.  I also have to make some chili, and vacuum the den and hide the laundry that is decorating every surface of that room.  And dry the soccer uniform, and wet jet the floor so I can pretend I mopped.  It should be a pretty busy morning and a pretty good day.  Can't wait to see my parents.


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